RuminateReverberateResonate
||r e m i n i s c e s || r e n d e z v o u s || r a m i f i c a t i o n s || r e p a r t e e s ||

Monday, August 28, 2006

-- Opened --

#-It's that time of the month again

They say good jazz musicians have gone through alot in life. Perhaps that's what I need; happenings that'll totally shake my world and maybe snap me out of everything. I've been way too sheltered, which I guess can't be a bad thing either. But slowly I find myself feeling more and more. Perhaps something clicked inside of me, because before this year, I have never felt such love and affection, not only for people I'm interested in, but also other friends. Maybe paternal instincts have started to kick in as I start to really care for juniors. What used to be self-centredness, I feel, has gradually given way to care for other, deep concern and love.

Not only has affection multiplied by from what I have experienced in previous months, the ability to be hurt by another has also increased. I used to be invincible; emotionally detached from the everyone, but more and more, emotions seem to be able to grip me, to grab as a vice and plunge me into depths of agony. But more than being able to be hurt, I find empathy and sympathy blossom, to such points that heart-wrenching feelings seem regular and tears seem to flow much more easily nowadays.

I really don't know if all these are good things, because recurring sin still haunts me. And because this kind goes out only by fasting and prayer, I've decided to start another fast. According to what I read, the tighter the grip the sin has on me, the more frequent and more intense my fasting has too be.

In the name of Jesus, in the name of Jesus,
We have the victory.
In the name of Jesus, in the name of Jesus,
Demons will have to flee.

Yes, flee.

My biggest surprise ever has been foiled. I reckon it would've been great if only you didn't find out, or asked Marcus about it. Man I was planning on unveiling it soon, but no, you had to find out. Maybe I really shouldn't have taken it at jitterbugs, what was I thinking? Now I can only imagine how it could have been. You have no idea how difficult it was to act all blur and everything for the last 2 months. And all that effort, gone. I just hope you'll still be slightly surprised that I actually know more than Salsa1, so that at least not all has gone to waste.

And work is starting to be mighty stressful. With so many submissions and documents to finish within stipulated time, of which I have to obtain data from various sources, I can't see any relief in sight. Moreover, because this is the middle of the third quarter, I have extra documents to prepare for other people on top of my monthly duties, so much so that my collegue took a piece of paper today, and on it he wrote "Do Not Disturb, PMS in progress", and stuck it on the outside of the petition of my desk. How apt. I got a headache from preparing a conference today, and yes, it's a monthly conference, thus the "PMS" part. They don't pay me enough, and as such, I hate the organisation. To add to that, the intranet system was screwed-up today and as such, I had a heck load of trouble trying to complete my daily work. This, for the record, happens VERY often, that my work is affected drastically, since I have to rely on such unreliable systems.

You thought you have conquered,
But when you are on higher ground,
That is where you are most visible,
Most prone to attacks.
And you're hit.
Arrows pierce when you turn your back
For just one instance.
And you fall.

I fall. Again.

-- Closed --

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