RuminateReverberateResonate
||r e m i n i s c e s || r e n d e z v o u s || r a m i f i c a t i o n s || r e p a r t e e s ||

Friday, September 01, 2006

-- Opened --

#-Just a single foothold.

What can I write
But a depressing line?
Why do tears well up
When this shouldn't mean a thing?
Right on the brink
Where everything drops
Is all gone?
Is all lost?
It takes forever to write,
Eternity just to produce one line.
Just too many thoughts.
I cannot entertain them all.

I need to cry,
To let it all out.
Won't someone lend me a shoulder?
Spare just one embrace?
You won't even need to speak.
Please.

The demons close in.
With just one chink,
Floodgates fling wide open
With their force.
Walls topple
With just one loose brick,
And the enemy overwhelms,
Captures, loots, pillages and rapes.
And there I stand,
Helpless,
As I succumb to sexual sin
There all purity disappears.
O why the initial stumble,
Why the "harmless curiousity?"
Why. Do I lust

All these images
They parade
They sashay, they tease,
They seduce.
And when they're done,
They leave you,
Violated, empty, filthy.
And just when you think you've managed to stand
They strike again,
Never giving oppotunity to defend.

I can't take it.
I just want to give up.
Will it go out by fasting and praying?
Will it really?
Hold me Jesus,
Tight in Your arms.
Take me Lord
To be by Your side.
I do not belong in this world.

In tears I ask the Father
What He has planned.
"So why, Lord?
Why such feelings?
Why such reckless abandon?
Tell me Jesus,
What will happen to this.
Or am I just deluded?
Father I don't even know what to ask.
I cannot see through the fog,
Can't walk when I cannot see the path.
Where are You?
Where is the lamp unto my path?"

I feel walls crumble,
Ground sinking.
My stance gives way.
I squat,
Hands over ears.
Hide me, please,
Under Your wings.
Give me shelter.
Remove me from all.
I cry out to You.
Please.


And as of such, today just wasn't a good day. But nonetheless, thank you for skipping class to come out with me, to listen me out, and share my burden. I appreciate what you told me, and somehow it seems like nothing is too bad to share. So you have my fullest gratitude for being a caring friend. Although my views are somewhat radically different from yours, the conversation did help me to examine myself, and I think I do want it, just not yet. But then again, all depends on the Big Guy above, so pray that He'll give me a clear direction and that I will be able to distinguish His nudge. I don't think it really matters whatever may happen, because I believe I have that child-like faith deep inside me, and because of that, wherever He may take me, whatever He gives or takes away, I will always want His agenda to be mine too. So let's see where He takes me. God Bless.

-- Closed --

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