RuminateReverberateResonate
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Tuesday, October 17, 2006

-- Opened --

#-It don't mean a thing

It don't mean a thing, if it...Ah what the heck.
It just don't mean a thing.
Perhaps it never did
And I was just some bloody deluded loser.
So there really were others,
Too many as it seems.
I shouldn't be surprised should I?
You've always been popular,
You'd be so easy to love, ain't it?
Maybe you're just like your good friend,
Your senior.
You say you're a "toned down" version of her anyway.
"toned down?" Really?
You don't find the need to tell me anything anymore,
Just shelved me when you don't need,
When there's novelty.
That's what people do to me don't they?
Search for me when they need my help.
Other than that they just don't give a shit.

I'm not bitter. I won't allow myself to be.
Seems I'm always the one giving.
Give give give, input input input.
Reasonably, I will run out someday correct?
Yes I receive from the Father,
But I need some form of human input too.
No man is an island,
Or rather, no man is an everlasting fountain
For ungrateful brats to drink and gourge themselves,
Much to their indulgence and fat bellies.

Fuck.
There I said it.
Has any of you ever heard me say that?
Ever?
Here it is.
So put it down in your records.
This honoured lady is the first person,
The very first,
To affect me so much for me to actually write that word down.
There, she'll remain in my life,
What an unglamorous way to be remembered.

Ok fine I'm bitter.
I hate it when people take me for granted.
Blessing others with my gifts, talents and care is one thing,
Being taken for granted is another.
You never did let me in did you?
Played me as a dance,
Once the music ends, you walk away,
Without saying so much as a word,
Nothing.
I'm beyond just being bitter.
I'm angry, upset and hurt too.

Just a final note I'd like to say to you:
Wake up damn it!
Wake up and smell the coffee.
Smell the bitterness of reality.
Feel the chill of the world down your spine
And stop living in your own fantasy world.

Ian I wish you could help me block her blog right now.
The other small group of you who read this and actually do care about me, don't worry, I'll be fine in a couple of days. I promise. No more "F" words at least. And thanks for caring, I love all of you too.

-- Closed --

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