RuminateReverberateResonate
||r e m i n i s c e s || r e n d e z v o u s || r a m i f i c a t i o n s || r e p a r t e e s ||

Sunday, October 08, 2006

-- Opened --

#-A letter to a dear friend

Dearest Friend,

I can't think of any pleasantries that are unique at the moment, so I shall skip them. haha. I do hope you're doing well and fine there and having a good time as well, nothing less would be expected.

Well just thought I'd drop you an email considering how dearly I'm missing you. There seems to be less and less people I can really talk to here in Singapore, since most have gone overseas, and the others have all become slaves to the "YONG LOO LIN" school of medicine. Pardon the inverted commas, the "YONG LOO LIN" name has to be treated with utmost respect, since it produces Singapore's future in the healthcare sector. Oh how much more sarcasm can I fit into it before it starts dripping out? ha.

Anyway, it seems as though I may have caught on with the loneliness bug. What an infectious little critter that one is, creeping up when you least expect and hitting you hard in the head with one heck of a wake-up call. I guess it happens when one is given time to be quiet and still, to think and ponder. Perhaps it has been the reason for my taking part in so many activities outside of camp. Maybe it helps me fill up the void left behind by the utter disrespect I have for the army and the monotony of my work. It takes my mind off how much of a complete loser and sad case I've become, and will stay for the next 13 months. Now that I've cut back slightly from dance, I find myself having more time to think. But as a result of that thinking, I almost always end up in a bout of dissatisfaction. I'd like to think that it is because I'm not of this world and nothing can satisfy my desires except God alone, but I doubt and dare not think of myself so holy. Therefore, I conclude that it must be self-pity, is it not?

Emotions seem to have a way to plague you all at the same time, such that the sheer quantity of differing feelings overwhelms your being. You've known how for roughly the last 5 months I have had intimate feelings for a certain someone, how much of a storm of emotions I've gone through, and finally deciding within the last month that I have to abandon such interests. Now however, occasional thoughts still come to mind. A part of me still wants to have feelings for her, even though I've told myself that I can't. It's not easy loving someone deeply and not entertain such possibilities of intimate relationships. I realize that everytime I read her blog, I still get affected by what she writes. But I earnestly hope this is because I care about her and nothing beyond a friend.

Moreover, I seem to find myself wanting to get to know another someone better too. I don't know if you know about this lady, but the chemistry between us is nothing short of electric I'd say. Yes, of course I have to get to at least know her beyond merely an acquaintance, but I cannot deny that I felt some kind of connection when we first touched and danced, and I think she felt it too.

With all these people in my life, you wonder how I could possibly be lonely, but the fact is that I lack an outlet for all these intimate details of my life, someone to really share with. I feel myself drying up due to a one-way giving that leaves me exhausted and frustrated because there is no energy returned. It just seems to me as though my efforts are just sucked up into a vacuum and therefore none are reciprocated. Well this is why I have written this letter, so I hope that you too, will reciprocate my efforts and reply this letter.

So now as my eyelids begin to feel heavier, I close this letter with the knowledge that my love is enclosed in it.

All my love,
Me

-- Closed --

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