RuminateReverberateResonate
||r e m i n i s c e s || r e n d e z v o u s || r a m i f i c a t i o n s || r e p a r t e e s ||

Sunday, December 17, 2006

-- Opened --

#-Sentiments of Anti-government

Looks like Thailand is going to be a no-show. Just another reason for me to despise the SAF even more than I already do. We just realised today that my passport is no longer valid and needs to be renewed, but the thing is that it's Sunday, and none of the offices are open for such services. We even went down to CMPB to give it a shot, but there was noone inside the building at all. So my family decided to cancel our whole trip totally, also partly due to my mum being barely mobile because of her muscle tear.

Have I ever told you I hate the SAF. In fact, now I hate the government too. Stupid rules and procedures.

I really just need to get out. It's been a rough year, and I was really looking forward to this trip. Moreover, I've worked very hard all year, and now that I actually get a chance to go overseas I can't. I just need some time-out. The SAF is the most stifling, inefficient and useless organisation I've ever come across, with some of the most incompetent and crude people I have met. And it's not as if the regulars are any better.

Today during the sermon, I was convicted. My sin has been hunting me down again recently, and I've been terribly weak and unmotivated to change. I know I've fallen countless times, and each time the feeling is just suffocating. When you see the face of the Lord turn away, downcast because of your outright rebellion. When you see the tears well up in His eyes in dissapointment, that's when you really feel the pain. Once again I've let down the lover of my soul. Once again I've walked away from the street of glory into the alley of sin.

Don't You ever get tired of forgiving me Lord?
Don't You ever see what a useless creature I am,
A useless creature I'll always be?
What do You see in me Father,
That You receive me with open arms
each time I come back to You,
When You know I'll just run away again?
I am of no worth, no value.
Why do You treat me as Your child,
When I've caused You so much pain.

I know I cannot live without You.
Yet I cannot live in Your glory either.
My sin keeps retreating into darkness.
And even after You have filled my heart
with Your light,
Sin lays dormant as a virus.
As a single spore it remins in a damp corner,
Waiting for just the right oppotunity
to spring into action,
Enjoying its life of pleasure once more.

I've asked You to bless me,
But now I know why You have not done so.
It's not that You refused to,
But my sin prevented You from doing so.
So Jesus,
Once more I ask for Your grace.
Forgive me I pray,
And turn not Your face from me.
I want Your glory to overshadow me
just as before.
Just as You did months ago,
Show Yourself to me please.
Cut off my arm if You have too,
Take my eyes if You must,
Do whatever You must to get rid of this sin.
For Your glory,
Turn my life back to You.
I've said it before and I say it again,
I'd give my fingers for You Lord.
If that's what it takes,
I will follow You.
No matter what the cost,
I am Your servant.

Just don't let this weakling make his own decisions,
Because You know the human is weak,
Just like it has been since You created us.
I give my life to You,
Once again.

-- Closed --

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