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Saturday, May 17, 2008

-- Opened --

#-I don't want you touching her!

Courtship in the Covenant, by Anthony and Kimberly Padgett:

One of the first things the Lord said to me during this time was: "I don't want you touching her." What? Why Lord? "Because she is NOT your wife. She is my daughter and I don't want her heart broken or her affections or her body violated. If you do so, you will offend me just as you would offend any father, and you will lose the blessing I have intended for you. You have not even completed the decision in your own heart, or pledged yourself to marry her. Until you do, she is someone else' wife and you are to treat her as such."

Wow! This completely blew my mind! It changed and challenged me deeply. I had never heard anything like this, but I knew it was from God and it had such a powerful, royal and wonderful beauty surrounding it. I knew I was on holy ground and that I had received the privilege of being trained by the King of Heaven in his beautiful and royal ways. Of all people, me, a base and sinful man, had been given the opportunity to qualify myself to become a royal prince. This was an opportunity and a gift of immeasurable value.

I also sensed the danger. I realized that it is a holy and dangerous thing to be responsible for the heart of one of the King's daughters. Failure here would mean failure with the King. I realized that I could do irreparable damage to my standing with Him if I hurt or dishonored his daughter. I had already been found guilty of touching another man's wife, though I felt the grace and privilege to repent and erase this wrong. I would need to be trained further and deeply changed to have the wisdom to avoid making further blunders out of my ignorance. I realized that I aspired to accepting the awesome responsibility of caring for a princess of His royal court and that one day I must look Him in the eye, place her hand back into His and give an account of my care for her during this fleeting borrowed time.

Today many Christians are asking why God is not blessing their love lives. They want to know why they can't hear the voice of God concerning a current romantic involvement. "Why can't I hear from God concerning this most important decision of my life" they ask in desperation. For many, its because they have not yet learned to be faithful with "another man's". How then can God give them that which is their own?


I see my folly, my sin, Lord, and I come to you again, desperately seeking your grace and MERCY! Forgive me Father, and lead me in the way that You have chosen. Grant me the strong desire to want to please You above the flesh, give me the strength to flee from tempting situations. Jesus I am scared, because I know there will be plenty of tempting circumstances, but I want to trust that You will not allow me to be tempted beyond what I can handle. I want a clean slate dear Lord, please. I have dishonoured You, and her earthly father, and I can only pray and hope for the grace of another chance. Help me forget what has already happened, and look ahead to what You have in store for me in the future. Make me pure, Saviour, and fill me with You Spirit once again. I am willing to obey my Lord.

At first glance, all these points seem extreme. But it doesn't mean we don't try to stick to them. The bible IS extreme, and our God IS a jealous God. I just want to please Him, but it's just so difficult. I know I won't give up, but the falls hurt, and each time the realisation of sin postmortem just gives me a deeper sense of sorrow, of guilt, and of shame at how disgustingly repulsive I am. My heart longs to serve Him, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

When it seems that by His grace I've overcome the chains of porn and masturbation, here presented before me is a whole new form of possibly the same weakness I have to deal with. Is there no rest?!? I know I've said a long time ago that I believed God would not provide a partner for me until I overcome the addicition of porn, masturbation and lust, and granted I'm still not completely free (still get tempted), but at least I know how to run to God and in most part deal with the temptations, but now stands before me a potential partner, and the possibility is dead real. There seems no break! I'm so tired sometimes.

But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. -Matt 7:14

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. - Matt 11:28

And if ye have not been faithful in that which is another man's, who shall give you that which is your own? - Luke 16:12

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:2

I surrender Lord.

-- Closed --

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